Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
