Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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