The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
