Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
