what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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