Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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