lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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