Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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