You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
