Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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