She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
