I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
