Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
