Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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