there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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