pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
