I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
