my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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