I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
