Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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