Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What a dumb baby whore.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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