I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
