I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
