dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
