have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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