I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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