i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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