went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
