You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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