And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
