I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
