It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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