Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm having to shit out rocks
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