Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
