marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
