At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
