I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
