you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we're so committed to being not committed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
