it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
