Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
