there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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