His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
