my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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