Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
