come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize