You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
