I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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