its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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