why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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