she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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