I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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