I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
