I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
