Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
