dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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