went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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