There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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