Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize