I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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