True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
