he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I came so hard my ears popped.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
