I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
