FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
