You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
