I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
