He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
