her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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