I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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