My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
